CandyIs dandyBut liquorIs quicker. - Ogden Nash
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash
Where there is a monster, there is a miracle. - Ogden Nash
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. - Ogden Nash
He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples. - Ogden Nash
Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental. - Ogden Nash
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. - Ogden Nash
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. - Ogden Nash
I drink because she nags, he said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew. - Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. - Ogden Nash
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. - Ogden Nash
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. - Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. - Ogden Nash
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -Did you ever try buying them without money? - Ogden Nash
Sometimes with secret pride I sigh, To think how tolerant am I; Then wonder which is really mine: Tolerance, or a rubber spine? - Ogden Nash
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash
Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long. - Ogden Nash
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decksWhich practically conceal its sex.I think it clever of the turtleIn such a fix to be so fertile. - Ogden Nash
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. - Ogden Nash
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash
Nietsche is Pietsche." - Ogden Nash
Progress might have been all right once but it has gone on too long. - Ogden Nash
Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash
When there are monsters there are miracles. - Ogden Nash
The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie! - Ogden Nash
Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long. - Ogden Nash
Which the Chicken and Which the Egg?He drinks because she scolds, he thinks;She thinks she scolds because he drinks;And nether will admit what's true,That he's a sot and she's a shrew. - Ogden Nash
Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money. - Ogden Nash
The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. - Ogden Nash
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash